November 28, 2010

Counting Steps
the dog woke me up with an obedient whine. i stumbled through my dark apartment avoiding the obstacles like a blind person.. counting steps. in the pitch of blue and ghosty light i found my used winter coat.. my most recent proof that i am, in fact, easy to please. i slid my hands into it's well made pockets and took mabel outside. i felt whole, constructed of bone and blood and flesh.. the science of God. but also the mystery of God.. i was my soul filling a human container, holding it up, moving it forward. as the dog pissed, as the stars were fading, as the memory of how much i have hurt someone burned in my empty stomach, as i stood alone with no warm man stirring in my bed and my bones deformed and the metal in my back frozen from the cold november.. i found the words "i'm so strong," shivering on my tongue...

i'm counting steps until the light is back.. in the blind faith of morning.

November 25, 2010

i dreamed you
thin as a pine needle
lonely waking
coffee bubbles
in the kitchen.
i think,
you are never coming back.

but i dream
open and
my mind
throws you
up to the surface again
and there's nothing i can do about it,
not one fucking thing.
you built a house in here.

November 20, 2010

we are birth marked with it
stones under our skin
wood burned bone
sand for feet.

the moments stack
like clouds
atmosphere thick and beautiful
layered and falling

we want so much happiness
and we wail when
withheld and staggered,
black night. bright sun.
black night. bright sun.
and over and over again.

faith is breathing
in very thin air.

and underwater
and buried
lungs aching in your chest
for joy to come back again.

i fall asleep
to the noise
of neighbors clawing at each other
and other neighbors making love.
the sounds are the same.
a scarred music.
and i'm alone.
and i'm at peace with this.

November 11, 2010

November 9, 2010

my willful child
do not move an inch
you are a veteran of your own disappearance.
and all that was once strength
now makes you nervous.
because your strength don't work
strength = don't work
you struggle
to regain something.
What was once yours
is with somewhere else now
and somewhere is no one you know.

November 5, 2010