May 26, 2012

the first time my heart spoke to me
it said things about god.
i was a little child.

before that my heart mostly mumbled
i heard it through a swaddle
then later in a very old and ugly man's lap
that was before fear of things like elderly lips
and dried spit and the thin skin of the ground calling
to a human that the end is waiting.
back then i didn't know why i loved.  just did.
or why i curled in the lap of death.  just did.   for a cuddle.
or why i wanted to feel wind on my bare chest.
just did.

after i became comfortable with the voice
it became my own.
and then i said a lot of terrible things
and then i sang a lot of pretty melodies
and then i told people i love dearly to go fuck themselves
and then i cried out loud
and very loud.
and then i laughed like in the movies.  the wild girl.
and then i told stories.  lies.   jokes.
i told men i loved them.  men i didn't love.
i told myself to be quiet.  but out loud and everyone heard.
i gossiped.  i whispered in class.  i told the truth.
i said i was sorry.  i said i was leaving.
i made promises.  i read bedtime stories.
i shrieked.  it was so scary.  i moaned his name.
i asked for help.
i told myself i was beautiful.  in a mirror.  in Indiana.
i told him i love him.  i love him.
i prayed.  the voice of a child.  the voice of god.
my heart.

May 8, 2012

"Write Him Off" recorded May 2012 at Flipnotics (courtesy of DaveTeeVee).  That's Ray Prim and Patrice Pike with me!

May 5, 2012

A supermoon
the baby owls whinnied in the trees.

i reached into bed.
i held onto your fear.  a commitment.
i sheltered your imagination and
considered what i knew to be true.
i hoped for a train to scream
from the other side of the greenbelt.
like a lap steel.  night sounds.

you pulled me close,