expression.

the sharp silhouette of my shoulders 

like folded in wings 

i'm waiting to tell you

things with my body.

i'm holding them back

and in.

there were deaths today.

too many to tell,

it's nothing to tell really.

frozen lakes taking it's children

is that heaven we sing

in rows of angels,

seven five three

i don't want this to end.

love.

pure.

scoliosis

can you want yourself out of hopelessness?

can you want yourself out of love..

lovely and stunned?

can i run?

i can't run.  i can walk.  but very slowly and even then i am moving backwards in an S curve.

spine circles heart

and it hurts.

i don't think popcorn should be eaten alone.

it will make you feel very lonely.  if you reach into the bowl and there is not another hand reaching in and getting in your way then you will probably realize how alone you feel and then the popcorn will just bum you out.  

acceptance

tonight i felt a surge in me..  a loneliness..  a clinging to the plans i once had..  to the destination where i never arrived.   i was fourteen years old when i devised a grand divine plan for my life.  i made my adolescent deals with God and i never looked back.   and over the years this plan folded itself into what i believed was my fate.  but here's the thing..  fate isn't a plan.  it's a surprise...  it's the moment you realize that you are exactly where you're supposed to be and the last place you expected.  and for all the things you wanted so desperately, you got just what you need.  

i kinda wish i got what i wanted.

why do you love me?

when i am such a mess

when i am such a shit head

when i fight like a blind and starving dog

when i am so greedy

when i throw myself at you

when i don't shower for days

when i don't feed you

when i hate you

when i tear off your clothes

when i glue myself to your body

when i beat you

when i demand truth 

when i don't believe you

when i need you

when i don't even know why.

why do you love me?

night fell

the light collapsed.

and i wasn't dreaming.

this time i watched the dark 

like an animal 

from a hiding place.

it was unaware of my eyes following it's every move.

it was unaware of it's own descent.

it was unaware of my hunger.

as unaware as i have been.

it became truth as i could no longer see my own grip

on it.

it became truth as i found it's shapeless figure

to be my own.

it became me 

as i became a man drowned in it.

darkness.

you have made me smile 

for reasons unknown

my ridiculous valentine