January 28, 2010

the sharp silhouette of my shoulders 
like folded in wings 
i'm waiting to tell you
things with my body.
i'm holding them back
and in.

there were deaths today.
too many to tell,
it's nothing to tell really.
frozen lakes taking it's children
is that heaven we sing
in rows of angels,
seven five three
i don't want this to end.

January 26, 2010


can you want yourself out of hopelessness?
can you want yourself out of love..
lovely and stunned?
can i run?

i can't run.  i can walk.  but very slowly and even then i am moving backwards in an S curve.
spine circles heart
and it hurts.

i don't think popcorn should be eaten alone.
it will make you feel very lonely.  if you reach into the bowl and there is not another hand reaching in and getting in your way then you will probably realize how alone you feel and then the popcorn will just bum you out.  

January 25, 2010


tonight i felt a surge in me..  a loneliness..  a clinging to the plans i once had..  to the destination where i never arrived.   i was fourteen years old when i devised a grand divine plan for my life.  i made my adolescent deals with God and i never looked back.   and over the years this plan folded itself into what i believed was my fate.  but here's the thing..  fate isn't a plan.  it's a surprise...  it's the moment you realize that you are exactly where you're supposed to be and the last place you expected.  and for all the things you wanted so desperately, you got just what you need.  

i kinda wish i got what i wanted.

January 17, 2010

why do you love me?
when i am such a mess
when i am such a shit head
when i fight like a blind and starving dog
when i am so greedy
when i throw myself at you
when i don't shower for days
when i don't feed you
when i hate you
when i tear off your clothes
when i glue myself to your body
when i beat you
when i demand truth 
when i don't believe you
when i need you
when i don't even know why.
why do you love me?

January 13, 2010

night fell
the light collapsed.
and i wasn't dreaming.

this time i watched the dark 
like an animal 
from a hiding place.

it was unaware of my eyes following it's every move.
it was unaware of it's own descent.
it was unaware of my hunger.
as unaware as i have been.

it became truth as i could no longer see my own grip
on it.
it became truth as i found it's shapeless figure
to be my own.
it became me 
as i became a man drowned in it.

you have made me smile 
for reasons unknown
my ridiculous valentine