Dance hall

the stars were widespread

dappled dark horse

sky. texas night.

black heart

trucks parked

outside the dance hall

below the whore house.

no one died here though

i can feel it

the lack of ghosts.

something is missing.

it's saturday night

and the kids are all dancing

like ponies

in circles

around and around the ring.

and i stand

judge and observer

audience member

against a post

my failing back out.

smiling.

a slow and quiet grieving.

i grew a little this week.

i found some really scary weakness in myself and then i discovered the strength that has kept that weakness from destroying me all along.

i saw beautiful things like when the moon looked like a dirty smile and when i witnessed my dog seeing an old friend and expressing her content for that reunion. i saw myself begin to do the wrong thing and was able to stop myself before i did something stupid. and i also found myself taking care of myself at any cost.

i forgave some friends for being human and that gave me some forgiveness for myself. i sweat my ass off on stage. i felt pretty sometimes. i didn't care what people thought. i loved someone as hard as i could and he accepted my love. neat miracles happened! i cried over them. i shared myself with the possibility of rejection. i wasn't rejected.

i ate sour patch kids candies.

The authority of demons

i'm trying not to love him

but my scars are burning.

my heart so strong

is unhealing.

his demons are winning.

i begged him to fight for me

but his demons are winning.

mine are coming in a close second,

that which bears mentioning.

my scars are changing

my heart unbeating

i've gathered all the evidence

and his demons are winning.

this dark dance.

this hunter pace.

the sky blasts open

in a horse breaking race.

every house is leveled

we end at the beginning

again and again

his demons are winning.