June 19, 2011

Dance hall
the stars were widespread
dappled dark horse
sky. texas night.
black heart
trucks parked
outside the dance hall
below the whore house.
no one died here though
i can feel it
the lack of ghosts.

something is missing.
it's saturday night
and the kids are all dancing
like ponies
in circles
around and around the ring.

and i stand
judge and observer
audience member
against a post
my failing back out.
a slow and quiet grieving.

June 10, 2011

i grew a little this week.

i found some really scary weakness in myself and then i discovered the strength that has kept that weakness from destroying me all along.

i saw beautiful things like when the moon looked like a dirty smile and when i witnessed my dog seeing an old friend and expressing her content for that reunion. i saw myself begin to do the wrong thing and was able to stop myself before i did something stupid. and i also found myself taking care of myself at any cost.

i forgave some friends for being human and that gave me some forgiveness for myself. i sweat my ass off on stage. i felt pretty sometimes. i didn't care what people thought. i loved someone as hard as i could and he accepted my love. neat miracles happened! i cried over them. i shared myself with the possibility of rejection. i wasn't rejected.

i ate sour patch kids candies.

June 4, 2011

The authority of demons
i'm trying not to love him
but my scars are burning.
my heart so strong
is unhealing.
his demons are winning.
i begged him to fight for me
but his demons are winning.
mine are coming in a close second,
that which bears mentioning.

my scars are changing
my heart unbeating
i've gathered all the evidence
and his demons are winning.
this dark dance.
this hunter pace.
the sky blasts open
in a horse breaking race.
every house is leveled
we end at the beginning
again and again
his demons are winning.