Wolf

sweet deer---

muse of all muses.

dressing gowns---

grown man.

my dark eyed star

dark blue heart

i will sketch you

i will slur you

and sing you

you godly thing you.

fetching---

i will hula hoop your smile

and bake you into bread

i will bathe in a river

crying your friendship---

crying our love

that was too hard for either of us.

i will wake up with your words in my mouth

they will be in another language.

my boy who lived with wolves

you came into my life

matted and wild

you would have slept in the trees

but instead you slept in a well made bed

just to sleep next to me.

the things i don't hold

have a hold on me.

i am reserved

for emergency.

my spare room.

i decorate it with sex

and music.

i disguise it with fashion.

with tigers and dreamers,

i drive a train through it.

i have no name for it.

oh wait.

it's emptiness.

i took everything off.

i wished things.

i buried jasmine under amethyst

i sewed the pockets of all my pants shut,

no secrets would i keep from myself.

but i lost control.

of the pain threshold.

of false hope.

i became violent water...

i turned you over

and as i held you under

you became wings

and flew away.

Whales

in the chance meeting of

lung to breath

forged a friendship.

sailed a long ship

rolled nose to nose

hope and hopeless.

sat the guru

a face

like a scarred moon

heart and wild cat

broken teething

and back to back.

a believer begins

in question.

swimming

a credo becoming

the outsider.

i don't care

if i'm within

the circle.

i don't care

if i'm heard.

or well known,

respected or

regarded.

i don't care

if i'm invited.

or added.

or friended

and befriended.

or defriended.

i don't care anymore

if my ticks show

if my voice cracks

if i am stupid

or crazy or last

in a long line of fools.

i don't care

if the nerves show

if my face reddens

or if the hives grow.

i don't care

if my heart beats

through my fucking chest

so hard you can see it.

i will tear out this silicone ribcage

to show you the mechanics of loving this deep.

you can look... or not...

i just don't really care.

but i do really care about you.

we went on a robbing spree. we stole stars and clouds and patches of grass. we pulled apples off trees and slept in flower beds. at night electric trains circled our campsite. i washed my hair in a bird bath. louis took a rain shower. we made jewelry from hubcaps and soda pop cans. we french kissed under a sparrows nest and took naps in a fox hole.

and we never spoke. we only sang.

distance matched

a lit cigarette

glued to my ideas.

i'm telling you the truth so shut up.

already you run already you spit

small drops of tears of rain

of hurricane.

hang in there

but first. listen.

hang on to me.

please always

until i don't have a point.

until i am spinning out past the borders

until my makeup has disappeared

skin un-ironed.

the last of my crying a smudge on a sleeve

the last time i tried

you couldn't breathe

we were kicking and playing chicken

and reading

into things

it was great stuff.

you turned around and faced me.

you folded what was left of my heart

up under yours.

there is safety in numbers.

baby.

shrug.

there are days. when i weaken.

when doing the right thing does not measure

up to the sofa cushion of your lips.

my ear against your chest

can hear an ocean.

an earth. a rotation.

a drum circle.

pulls me back in

there's a dance off

and you win.

and i'm your bitch again.

my slim rapper.

maybe i need you.