June 28, 2010

there are things i will never understand
and i have stopped trying.
i drove to the furthest bridge i could find
and pushed those heavy questions
like boulders, grey and weighted,
into the deep water.  
now i stand at the cold river's edge 
and i wonder... 

June 26, 2010

i am not so crazy
i am just a wild animal
my lawless heart beats like a wrecking ball
it blows up in flames spontaneously
and then just as quickly it retreats. 
i am very strong.
i am very weak.
you can only be both!
if you are only one.. 
you are incomplete.

June 25, 2010

The wolf
there must be a full moon 
my heart has become a wolf
it eats me alive
looking for you.
to play with then kill
to suck life blood
to softly slip it's claws into
oh the pretty face that haunts me
the midnight year of tears 
on my bedroom floor
rocking like your child.
my dirty carpet soaked in 
worthless tears.

love abandoned for lust
beauty mistaken for truth
risk mistaken for hope.

you tasted eternal.

June 24, 2010

i don't know why 
i care so much
blow the dust off my fingers
lick the stamp mail the letters.
love is
the point of no return
just like that we're bound for life
star crossed on a starless night.
we belong in a pipe dream
in a paint box
we belong somewhere no sun 
will ever bleach us
after all these years
we're still worth something
like fine, fine furniture.

i don't know how
but i remember it all
like it was yesterday
like it was tomorrow.
you try 
harder than anyone i know
you left and i left too
back then
i didn't know how to hurt you.

we belong in a window
in a shoe box
we belong somewhere
no one can ever use us
do you know you are 
still good underneath?
like fine, fine furniture.

i pray a little harder tonight
for the people that i love tonight
they're falling apart slowly
covered around me.

we belong in a frame 
in a cigar box
we belong somewhere 
no one can ever sell us
rest your heart i am still standing here..
we belong in a hope chest
in a locket
we belong somewhere 
no one will ever lose it.
after all these years
you still belong to me
like fine, fine furniture...

copyright 1999
(from the "Anywhere But Here" soundtrack)

June 20, 2010

One note
the portrait is aching
the moon is half empty
a star is trembling streaking shooting 
through your hair.
i lose you in God
i listen and hear voices
this world is a simmering pot.
such a simmering pot.
i can't tell you anything anymore
i can't sing or fall apart
the terrible two's
of a threesome 
a long shot a hot bed
that was a close call
and i still feel it between my legs
the wheel spinning
the knife throwing

i found the scapular behind his knee
he was kneeling so close to me 
i caught the slightest sense of it
my arrow pounced my back broke
my heart opened again
i am growing
and talking to my dead grandmother
who comes to me as a flower
a simple and potent gardenia  
one note.

June 16, 2010

when i was fifteen i put an ad in the newspaper for musicians.  i desperately wanted to have my own band.  i auditioned a forty year old drummer named Joe Hatt in my bedroom.  i didn't think he was right for the gig.  i had balls.

June 11, 2010

God given
we are man made
of lovely smiles
and steel plates
of resentment 
and melted thread
of screws 
and pencil lead.

we are man made
of method and madness
on crutches and bias
the light trys to get in
while the bone is still setting.

everything is bleeding 
and pumping inside of me 
at once alive and breathing for me
passed down 
and built in.
however shifty 
and broken.
your donated heart (previously opened)
keeps working.
it's man that is God given.

twilight is a soft stutter 
my lips are slightly ajar
there is probably at least half a moon 
waiting for us.
the space is in the sky. 
it does the same thing
night after night
what with its stars
what with its planets
what with its shifting sheet of darkness
arms and lights are thrown up
and we're just little
under it

More things i trust
the g chord
i trust hunger
i trust my sister
i trust my conscience 
my own tears
a back tickle
my intuition

June 7, 2010

Trust is the word
i have this strong feeling
an earth inside my belly.
the gravity
of my well trained imagination.

and i briefly unravel 
like running from firecrackers
in a contest for sadness.

then i remember myself...
my strength. my lips. my beast of a heart. my loyalty. my steel spine. my huge crazy love. 
i remember God. 

and how words are not actions
and thoughts are not truth
and how answers are not solutions
and how i respond to the simplest of things.

i trust kisses.
i trust my hand being held.
i trust a ride to the post office.
i trust a heart beating close to my ear.
i trust laughter in another room.
i trust being pulled closer.

but words are pretty.

June 4, 2010

My address
dear you
dear me
dear all apology
dear fuck face
dear mystery
dear moments that i try to stay in
dear heaven
dear ashes
dear blind eye
dear cry baby cry
dear diamond ring
dear wedding
dear nervous breakdown
dear fight or flight
dear funeral procession
dear all souls day
dear sky
dear blue bird
dear blue eye
dear rearview mirror
dear horses and ponies
dear beauty
dear desert i refuse to see
dear midnight
dear moment
dear today

the worst part is the jasmine.
the heavy flower,
summer at it's darkest.
a requiem.
a long and low song that eventually quiets. 
the finite life of a trumpet.