April 2, 2010


He loved me in parts
i have loved a man unconditionally
in spite of his inappropriate boundaries
bone fences
i climb over
only to suffer 
the consequences.

goodbye, he says
you are difficult! he vents
and i flinch
waiting for my punishment

which i don't take quietly
i fight to the death
dirty ugly desperate
but he won't fight back.

he doesn't want me.
that crooked lip, he said
your beautiful mangled body, he said
that maniacal laugh
he wants me in part. but
my lips spit the questions he refuses to answer
my mangled body stays alive as an ultimate fighter
and the darkness is buried like birds in my laughter

the best and the worst of me all glued together.

April 1, 2010

i have committed crimes
slowly in the dark
the quiet tap of my fingertips
the blurring eyes of my age
my heart skipping beats
my heart skipping beats
i would do anything to change
that moment that curiosity 
stole the best of me
but i ruin everything 

you can't love in compartments.
unless you love things that you don't need 
you need me here...
i need you everywhere.
we need each other, you said it. 
that's why i called you a liar.
i was hurt and didn't mean it.
but i ask a lot of questions 
that you never give me a chance to accept the answer to.
i am so much stronger when facing the truth.
divorce is a death.. with a permanent ghost
ghost at the supermarket ghost at the stop light
ghost at a party ghost comes over uncomfortably
your one life becomes two again.  and your own life becomes
about only you again.  and the children.  
divorce is history.  now you are beginning.
something else yet unnamed.  be brave
for god's sake.

we made love now we side hug
we don't know each other anymore
how are you? waiting for an answer
we stand next to our history
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