today.  everything was everywhere and nowhere.  backwards and on its head.  i said i was sorry when i wasn't and i said i wasn't sorry when i was.  a suffering began.  i have put it off for too long because of hope.  hope kept my fists clenched to the edge. i hoped i wouldn't fall.  i hoped i could hang on.. a little longer. 

now.  i'm a beggar in the quiet of my prayers.  whispered plea's that i can have it back...  my fruitless tree.  god is petting my shoulders like a loving parent.  tears are crisscrossing down my folded hands, wetting my wrists, slipping to the crook of my elbow..  sweet pool, i think.  these tears.. the after thought of my pain.  because i lost you.