i closed my eyes.
more than a thousand yesterdays ago.
i swallowed sleeping pills and cried
a few poems.
i prayed with the canadian christian girl
who i was sharing the room with.
she told me god had a plan for me.
so i slept like a child.
in the morning
i stood on my train legs and walked to the window.
then sat shaky
looking out over the rooftops of Paris.
the roofs of Paris like beautiful rotting birthday cake.