France, 1999

i closed my eyes.

more than a thousand yesterdays ago.

i swallowed sleeping pills and cried

a few poems.

i prayed with the canadian christian girl

who i was sharing the room with.

she told me god had a plan for me.

so i slept like a child.

in the morning

i stood on my train legs and walked to the window.

then sat shaky

looking out over the rooftops of Paris.

the roofs of Paris like beautiful rotting birthday cake.